exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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