he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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