Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
