Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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