You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
