He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We got so high we made milksteak
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
