Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
