He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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