worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
