they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
