I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
