Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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