My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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