What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
pray to the hookup gods
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
