theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
