A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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