There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
