I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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