youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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