So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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