Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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