What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
