he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
