i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
