does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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