Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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