my mouth tastes like poor choices
im having a threesome with these popsicles
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
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