Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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