Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
All the doctor said was why
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize