Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
