my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
