apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
