Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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