she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
