ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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