It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize