I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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