i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
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