I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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