I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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