remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Panties = found
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