But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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