ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Acid is not a monday night drug
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
