We're facebook friends in real life
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
