I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
