Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
