Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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