chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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