when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
