Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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