We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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