I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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