Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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