Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
