I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
