The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
