Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
