Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
