We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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