people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
