is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
