after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
