Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
