Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
