If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
