Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
