even my farts smell like vagina
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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