On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
