is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
