and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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