Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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