Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
