just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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