Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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