I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
