Already got asked if we're dating
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
