I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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