he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize