my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
