I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
