I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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