my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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