What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
