he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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