You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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